Dearly Departed...

So, I just finished my two weeks of wonderful happiness with my boyfriend. He came over the pond for a nice long stay and I was in an utterly blissful state for two whole weeks. I don't think we've ever spent that long with just the two of us together. As I said, we met at a summer camp and there isn't much time for cuddling when you're running after 8 year olds all day long. It was great though. It really cemented my feelings for him.

He's insecure though because it was during this hiatus last year that I broke up with him. I think he believes me when I say that I'm not going to do that again and there is nothing in this world that would make me not want to be with him, but I think he's still a little scared. To be honest, I'm scared too. I have a lot of guilt about breaking up with him, even though I know that it was the right decision. I mean, if I hadn't broken up with him last year, I don't think we would be together right now. Everything happens for a reason and I definitely believe that I broke up with him so that I could become capable of having the kind of relationship we have now -- one where I absolutely do not question my feelings for him. I know that I want to be with him and that's that.

Saying goodbye was awful. I don't get to see him for 2 months. I'll be going over for New Year's to meet his family and friends. I think that once we hit that milestone, doubts and insecurities will fade away. We just need to get through these 2 months and it'll be easier. I can only hope that they go by quickly.

Not too much else to say. He's consumed my life for the past 2 weeks, so not too much else has happened.

"Built to last till time itself falls tumbling from the wall.
Built to last till sunshine fails and darkness moves on all.
Built to last while years roll past like cloudscapes in the sky.
Show me something built to last, or something built to try."

An Introduction

So I created this thing in a moment of inspiration when I thought I had intelligent and pertinent information to send out into the world ... but now that it is actually time for me to say something ... I'm at a loss.

I guess I could start by talking about what's going on in my life.

I'm 19 and I go to college up in Vermont. I'm having a pretty good time, but I often get really stressed out about everything from school work to my parents to money to love to ... well everything. So I'm basically an average college girl, haha.

I'm currently in a relationship with a wonderful guy who lives 2000 miles away from me in a different country. We met last summer and attempted to have a long distance relationship, but I was a freshman in college and broke up with him by Decemeber in persuit of something ... well I thought I wanted something better, but I think I just wanted something that was just geographically closer. I ended up seeing him again this summer and realized I was still head-over-heels for the guy and tried my hardest to get him back. Now we're "unoffically engaged" and I really have no idea how it happened. But I'm happy. Part of me still feels like I'm entirely insane for doing this, but another part of me is just enjoying how happy he makes me. That was a big decision that I came to this summer ... Last year I worried a lot about what was practical and what I should be doing at this point in my life -- that was one big reason why I broke up with him -- but once I saw him again I just said, "Fuck it." You only live once and running away from love is just dumb. He's an amazing guy and he'll be here with me next week to visit. I'm very excited.

Otherwise, I'm just trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. Not that it's imperitive that I figure this out now, but I would like to have SOME idea of what I want to do. Cause, as of right now, I have no idea!

I'm kind of hoping with this blog to have some kind of a journal type thing. I don't know anyone on this network, but it's somehow kind of a nice feeling that someone might read something I say and understand. Hopefully that'll keep up.